I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
