dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
