The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
