hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
