I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
