dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
