big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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