I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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