I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
