I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
