yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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