I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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