You just made me feel so damn special
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
