I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
