I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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