i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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