Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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