38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize