you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
