I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize