come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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