If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
