he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize