She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
