You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So many bounce houses so little time
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize