Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
