A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
