I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
