I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
