True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
