the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize