so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
