She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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