I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
