Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
