She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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