I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
