I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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