The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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