bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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