WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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