Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
