we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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