So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
