Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
