I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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