I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
