I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
