I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
