so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The beer is more important than you right now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
