New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize