i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
