i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
