That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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