So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
