I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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