Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wear drunk well.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
