I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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