but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
