i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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