I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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