All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
