you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
