Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
