margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
