Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
