Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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