Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
