Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
