hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
