my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
