Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
