Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
