he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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