I'm so fucking centered right now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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