I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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