it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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