just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
3 2 1 whiskey
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
