May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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