I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
