Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
