I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
