So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
