I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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