I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize