How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
