I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
