I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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