I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
