Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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