Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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