i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
