His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
