Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
