Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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