I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
