I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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