What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I AM VODKA MAN
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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